


See You By My Side

by mandlien (cacau1005)



Series: DirkJake Week 2k20 Fics [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alterous attraction, Aromantic Jake English, Can Town (Homestuck), Canon Gay Character, Confessions, Do not repost, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Binary Jake English, Not Epilogue Compliant, POV Dirk Strider, Post-Canon, Roxy Is a Good Bro, Well it's not obvious in the fic but that's how i see him, pre-credits, this is dirkjake: honesty times, you can imagine that in this fic's verse at some point in the future he realizes it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22229011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacau1005/pseuds/mandlien
Summary: It's been three weeks since Dirk last talked with Jake, back in that platform as they witnessed the birth of a universe. After pressure from friends, they decide to have a talk about what went wrong. Honestly, this time.Dirkjake Week Prompt 1: Boy idioticy | Nostalgia.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Series: DirkJake Week 2k20 Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1600072
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26





	See You By My Side

When you knock on the door to his Can, you can faintly feel your hands trembling. It’s hard to breathe, somehow, the anxiety and nervousness of the moment making you feel a little ill.

It has been three weeks since you last talked with Jake.

In that platform, before the birth of the universe, you and Jake talked. Things had seemed awkward, but not irreversible. He had laughed, a nervous giggle, and you had blushed harder than a bishounen anime protagonist. It had made butterflies fly in your stomach. You promised each other to talk again, when there were less people around you.

As much as you told Jane you were over him, you don’t think you are. Even in those two minutes, it had been obvious, how much a non-trickster Jake could still affect you. Worse, somehow, without the pressure of being the cool boyfriend, or AR needling you.

The next weeks had been busy. There was a lot to construct and organize, in order to make Can Town. The carapaces were natural builders, but the humans and trolls were planning how the town would be organized, and you had been rather occupied with the electronic and mechanical part of the process.

After two weeks of not seeing him anywhere, you searched for someone to give you news. Talking through Pesterchum seemed too… direct, somehow. What if he wanted to be alone for longer?

When you talked to Roxy about it, she promised to talk to him.

“No, but-,”

“No buts! I’m just going to see how he’s doing. He hasn’t really talked to me or Janie in awhile either. I’m worried.” She said, nibbling her lips. “He had been feeling really down, before we god tiered, and then he got captured by robo-Jane… Who knows what happened while he was captured.”

“You don’t know?” You tilted your head, curious. “Jane didn’t talk to you about it?”

Roxy grimaced. She looked to the side and clenched her hands together.

“Jane really doesn’t want to talk about it. Her face closes off every time I mention it. So, I stopped trying. And…” She looked at you from the corner of her eyes, a little worried moue in her face. “Back in my timeline, we were separated in different cells. I mostly dealt with Dog-mama. By the time I got out, Jake had exploded in a hope bubble and was screaming even worse nonsense than usual. I never discovered how exactly that went. From what people told me, the changes made to the timeline shouldn’t have changed what happened there, but who knows.”

You clear your throat and try to think of a way to change the subject. Roxy always looks worried when she mentions being from another timeline to you, like you would somehow reject her for it. Like you could.

The fact that your Roxy got killed cuts something deep within you, some whisper of how you failed her. Still, it’s pretty obvious that this Roxy is still your friend. The recent events for her may have been a little harder than for you, but her heart was still of the same girl.

You wonder if Jane can see that.

“Roxy… Jane hasn’t been treating you differently, right? For being from a different timeline?”

Roxy’s face became somber.

“I don’t think so, Dirk. I mean, the first time we met in the dream bubbles, she seemed okay with it. Sure, we were both sleeping at the time… But even after that, in the platform and all, she seemed fine? It’s hard to know, what’s happening in that girl’s mind. She can’t stop moving, you know, trying to help however she can. It’s hard to know if she is keeping me out because she doesn’t see me as Roxy, or if it’s because of trauma, or what. Is it bad, that I hope it’s the later?”

“Maybe a little,” you say. “If it is, I don’t blame you. But I wouldn’t worry about that. You’re very Roxy to me”.

She smiled. You’re trying to be a little more appreciative to her, a little more honest with your thoughts. It’s very hard.

“Thank you for being here for me, Dirk. Losing everyone was so hard. I almost gave up for a while there. I guess if it wasn’t for Terezi and John, I would have. Imagine losing all this! Callie, and Jane, and Jake and you! Rose and Dave! Even the other kids. Old and potential new friends. Even if we’re a little broken right now, I can’t help but have a little hope.”

You smile at the memory, feeling strength return to your limbs. She had managed to talk with Jake and apparently whatever she said had some effect. He sent you a message, asking for you to visit. Asking for a talk.

The idea of talking honestly with Jake about what happened while you dated makes you very nervous, but you are willing to try. You really don’t want to lose him.

* * *

Jake looks handsome. He’s wearing the old outfit, the one he used on their expeditions, the little shorts and the green overshirt on top of a grey one featuring his symbolic skull. He has a big smile on his face, hands behind his back, and anyone else would think he’s ecstatic to see you. You know the signs, however; he is probably fiddling with his fingers where you can’t see them, one of the usual signs of his nervousness.

His eyes are trained on your chin, another usual sign of anxiety for him. He rarely looks people in the eyes most days, and you never asked him why. It doesn’t bother you overly much, because it’s pretty obvious when he is paying attention and when he is not. And he is very focused on you, right now.

“Dirk! So glad you came to visit. Come in.”

You walk inside and glance around. It was strange, how lived in it already felt, considering how, according to Roxy, he was only assigned his can a few days ago. Strange plants and rocks littered the space, with a rather big blue mushroom in the center of the room, and in the corner of the room there is an old mattress on the floor, full to bursting with bed sheets on top of bed sheets. On the other corner, a copy of Jane’s sofa, but with a quilt on top of it in green.

Jake glances around him and fidgets, nibbling his lip. You feel a pang of warmth curl in your chest and try to not think about the blush that is probably filling your face.

“I know I don’t have much stuff yet! The use of the alchemiter is still rather restricted for personal use. It uses too much energy, I guess! Specially for me, who has little powers to speak of”.

You rather doubt that. The fact that Jake has potential has never been blind to you, even before you figured out your group would gain literal superpowers. The fact that he is linked to hope only makes you more sure. This is all discounting Roxy’s account of a “hope bubble explosion”, of course. Jake’s ability to believe in stuff he shouldn’t was what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

But the fact he doesn’t really have control over those powers probably does make it harder for him to use the alchemiter, in this post-grist era. These days, everyone must use their powers to pay the price for items. Roxy, of course, linked to void as she was, was usually working near the alchemiter, making stuff for people.

“Man, if you don’t think this is lived in, you should check my can. There’s like, just the mattress there, for real. Meanwhile, you have all this cool shit all around the place.”

“Oh, that’s just stuff the salamanders gave me,” he says, his smile a little more real, his hands no longer behind his back. “They really seem to like me, for some reason. I’ve been spending a lot of time with them, when I’m not working.”

You look at each other, and you never wanted him more. You ache with longing, to be held and filled to bursting with his smile, his hopes and dreams. When you were with Jake, there were a few months, like in the eye of a hurricane, where things felt calm, and you had been happy. The only things ruining your mood were AR and you own sense of future doom, of how you ruined everything you touched, so surely you would ruin this too somehow.

A moment of pure awkwardness passes between the two of you, before Jake jumps, probably remembering his nonexistent gentleman manners. He turns, this time heading to the sofa. He glances at you.

“Sit with me?”

You nod and move your feet forward.

“Sure.”

In silent agreement, you both sit beside each other and glance towards blue mushroom in the center of the room. It’s easier, to talk about it while not facing him.

“We should talk about it.”

“Must we?” He whines, and you watch him from the corner of your eyes as he holds his knees to his chest, clutching them.

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay, I guess. But I think I need to.”

For a moment, as you glance at him, you catch his eyes, and both of you jump, looking forward again. Your cute ex-boyfriend caching you watching him shouldn’t make you this nervous. But this feels all new, somehow. A new experience.

“No, I…” He sighs, and then rests his head against his knees. His voice sounds muffled. “I think I should, too. I think I have a problem with avoiding situations that make me feel bad, that involve possibly hurting people I care for. And, I don’t want to do that anymore. It just seems to make things worse later.”

He sounds sad, unsure. It was something you had realized, during the session, but it was different, somehow, to hear him say it. It messes with your heart.

You look at the mushroom and can only see those days where he ignored your messages, left you in the lurch, desperate, just because he was afraid to tell you how he felt.

“Jake. No matter what the result of this conversation is, I still want to be your friend. Just. Even if you think something may hurt me… be honest, please. I want to know the truth.”

“… Okay. I’ll try.”

“Then, let me start.” You say, your voice even. “I’m sorry.”

He looks at you full on, his mouth open. You look back at him.

“What for?! You did nothing wrong.”

“I was too afraid of being alone. Of being abandoned by you. So, I acted like a needy little bitch, because I wanted to be besides you every moment of every day, until you inevitably grew tired of me.”

Jake flinched and grew silent.

“You can’t deny it now, huh?”

Jake frowned at you, his eyes blazing.

“Now listen here, Mister Strider, don’t you go putting words in my mouth. While I can’t say the constant messages didn’t worsen the situations, they for sure weren’t the reason I ran away!”

“Then why did you?”

Jake shut up and looked at the ground. You watched him, not looking away now. He squirmed, sensing your gaze.

“You know what I think I did? I think I sent you many, many messages over the years where I suggested something between us of a more sexual and romantic nature. And I think eventually, instead of telling me to stop, because you were uncomfortable, you gave in to my pestering, because you thought it was easier to suffer in a relationship with me than telling the truth and hurting me.”

“But- but that was AR. You were never that explicit and flirtatious with me. I mostly noticed because of him and the Brobot, to be honest.”

“Ah, yeah, the Brobot.” You say, darkly. After Dave’s first conversation with you, he had been in your mind for a while. “The robot I sent you to beat you up from surprise attack positions. That I controlled from a distance. That I abused you with.”

Jake’s face, full of confusion before, now fills with righteous fury.

“Cheese and fucking crackers, Dirk, what’s that about?! This talk about abuse and pressing me into the relationship! Stop with this nonsense!”

“Why, if it’s the truth?”

“It friggin well it’s not”, he says, face red, teeth gritted. “Don’t you dare talk about yourself like that!”

You reared back, surprised.

“Me?! This isn’t about me, it’s about you!”

Jake jumps out of the sofa and starts pacing in front of you.

“It fucking is about you when you start calling yourself an abuser! I won’t stand for you hurting yourself like that! You’re my best friend!”

He runs his hands through his hair and looks at you a little helplessly. You calm at the look, old instincts to help him rising to the surface.

“Then talk to me. Tell me about your side of the story. Why did you agree to date me? Did you even want me? And if it wasn’t my messages, why did you leave?”

Jake looks at you with wide eyes, and glances to the side, hugging himself. He looks unsure, now, all his previous anger gone, a temporary thing.

He takes a breath, and then looks at you in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, too, you know. For my side of the things.”

Jake shuffles until he is on his side of sofa, and seats again. He is looking at his hands, clutching each other.

“You know, when we were young, I would joke with you about dating you if you were a girl. And, I never thought back then that, maybe, that hurt your feelings. I just…”

“I never blamed you for that, though,” you say, confused. That was such a long time ago.

“But I think it still affects you, now.” He says, darkly. “Not just that, though. I spent years confused about what I felt about you. I realize, now, that I would insinuate things and then back away. Because, how could I like both boys and girls? Sure, you liked boys and I was okay with it. Because, if Dirk Strider, the smartest and most brilliant person I know, was gay, then despite what all my movies told me, there could be nothing wrong with that. But you were also from the future, following future cultural things and such. The only things I knew for sure was what I remembered from my grandma’s lessons, and what I learned from movies and comics. And my grandma never talked to me about boys.”

“I didn’t mind you liking boys, but I minded you liking _me_. Because it made me wonder and think about things the fella I thought I was, wasn’t supposed to think. I wasn’t _supposed_ like boys. That wasn’t part of my role. Especially because I knew for sure I liked girls, so how could I like both? Isn’t that wrong? Selfish, somehow?”

He looks at you with sadness in his eyes, his face full of regret.

“I even talked to Janie about it, you know. God, I was such a dunderhead. I realize, now, after knowing the truth about her feelings, that right after I pressured her into saying she felt nothing for me, I asked her if it wasn’t strange to date you. That must have hurt her a lot.”

You wince and promise yourself to talk to Jane soon.

“I… don’t think there is anything odd, about liking both genders. If Jake English does it, then there could be nothing at all odd about it.”

Jake smiles at you, fleetingly.

A moment of silence passes between you. You look at him as he recollects his thoughts, rearranging them in his head.

“About the Brobot thing…” He says, and looks at you, his mouth firm. “You know that was one of the best presents I ever received in my life, right?”

Behind your glasses, your eyes widen.

“What?” You say, choked. “But you complained about him from the moment you received him!”

“Well, sure,” Jake rolled his eyes. “But that’s because you have this urge to ruin the fun out of everything, Dirk.”

“What- what do you mean?”

“Do you remember, why I wanted a fighting robot in the first place?” he says, patiently. “I wanted a fighting robot because I wanted some fun scrums. The truth is, I rarely left my room in those days, and when I did, I was really fucking scared, because I was tiny, and weak, and I had monsters that could swallow me in one bite, or fucking step on me. And while in my fantasy that would, of course, never happen, because I was the best adventurer ever, slayer of monsters, I was self-aware enough to avoid leaving my room.”

“And I loved action movies. I loved how cool the actors looked, how they could make everything look purposeful, full of grace and strength, even if it was just make-believe. And I though you were really cool, with your katana and fighting experience, even before I discovered you were from the far flung future and fighting robots. I wanted to be just like those actors, and just like you.”

You blush, and scratch the back of your neck.

“So, even though I didn’t say it like that, didn’t admit it to myself, what I wanted was something that could be safe, but still provide me with a challenge. Something that would make me feel like that rugged adventurer I was always talking myself up to being. And you mostly provided that. You poured over that robot, constructed him with care, and sent him piece by piece. I was really happy that you would dedicate such a long time to make me happy.”

“The only reason I had to dislike the Brobot,” he said, annoyed. “Was that you made him a fucking chore. I couldn’t go a day without fighting him before he would ambush me. He never really hurt me, sure, just some scrapes, but sometimes a man just wants to rest on his home and watch movies, and what’s the problem with that? But you made him a training tool, and that sucked.”

You… never thought of it like that.

“Sure, all that training ended up paying off in a huge way during our session. I was strong enough to fight from the get-go, unlike Janey. But the thing is, Dirk, you were constantly trying to push me into what you believed would be a better stronger version of myself! And while it was nice to think you believed in me, you were also treating me like I’m one of your robots that you can just, update. And maybe that works with you, but I know at this point that I can never really be as cool as you. You constantly push yourself to be better, faster, stronger, smarter, and I just want to have fun.”

“Wait, what the hell are you talking about? About not being cool. You’re super cool.” You say, confused. You cringe, thinking about how obnoxious you were with Jane and Jake back then. After your talk with Dave, you think this could be a legitimate problem of yours. Maybe you’re just too used to only having robots around you.

“No, I’m not,” he says, snorting sadly. “I’m a joke. All there is to me is hot air. Still, I so wanted you to admire me. And while all of you liking my looks was kind of flattering at the time, I wanted more than that. I wanted to be seen as the rugged adventurer I thought I was, the man I was hyping myself up to be to you guys, the man that survived the island full of monsters from a young age with his wits, and strength, and the distant support of his friends. I wanted to be a leader worthy of our group.”

He was clutching his hands, tight, his nails cutting into his skin. Two tears fell down his face before he started full out bawling into his hands.

You tried to grab his hands before he hurt himself, and he curled further inward, hiding. You tried to hug him instead.

Jake released the position and hugged you tight, desperate, his cries echoing besides your ears.

“I’m not a man, Dirk! Hell, I’m not even a boy! I don’t know what I am!” He cried out, his voice wretched with pain. “I can’t measure up to you, and I’m so, so sorry. I thought I could, but I can’t. It hurts too much, Dirk. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to hurt my friends, and punch girls in the face! Sometimes I just want to hide from the world and be a fucking coward! Because the world is scary, and painful, and I just want the bad things to go away.”

You feel like your heart is ripping apart, listening to him cry. The last thing you ever wanted in the world was to pressure Jake like that. You didn’t think you were doing it.

You remember your talk with Dave, the realization that maybe being uncool wasn’t bad. Your talk with Jane, the realization that Roxy never knew all the things you thought about her and would never know if you didn’t tell her. That, maybe, even if it was painful to say such things out loud, it would be better than her thinking you didn’t care for her.

You grip him tight and gather your courage.

“I…” You try to say, but the words are stuck in your throat. You never told him the truth. “I… love you. Jake.”

He tries to stop crying for a moment, the hiccups still stuck in his throat. Your shirt on the shoulder is full of snot and dried tears. It’s more than a little disgusting.

“…What?” He says eventually, voice still a little broken.

“I love you.” You say, and somehow, it’s still as hard as the first time. “I never told you that, right? Never told you my feelings.”

He grips you securely and rests his hair on your shoulder, where he had been running his nose before. That’s kind of disgusting. You ignore the implications and focus on the way his hair tickles your neck, sending goosebumps down your spine.

“Really?” He asks, and his voice is tiny. Unsure. “I wondered.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” He sniffed. “We met after you ignored me for a whole day as I tried to desperately talk to you. Instead, AR messed with me until I ended up kissing your bloody head. And then we met, and you never wanted to just… spend time with me. You wanted to go on expeditions, and hunt for treasures, and go up on the echeladder, but when I implied we could stop and watch a movie, or do something fun, or just… cuddle, you never were very receptive. Every time I mentioned movies, you would always mention how bad my taste on movies was and say something disparaging about one of my favorites.”

“Oh, dude. I didn’t realize that. Mostly, I was just... worried. That you didn't want what I did, that I was pressuring you into it. And I thought you liked the expeditions”.

“Of course I did. They were exciting, and spending time with you was fun. But they were also tiring. I think they would have been more fun without the schedule you made.”

“Maybe, yeah. And… I’m sorry about AR. And about ignoring you that day.”

“It’s okay,” he says, whispering. “It hurt a little at the time, but I think I paid you tenfold by ignoring you for days, and then only talking to you while drugged out of my mind”.

“Did you ignore me because of this?” You ask, you voice also a whisper.

“In a way. I was tired, you know. The constant work, the pressure of wondering if you even liked me, the bleakness of our session… Months on end without progress… And I think my brain just, isn’t like yours, Dirk. We react in different ways to people constantly by our sides. You clutch them close, and I want to get away for a little while. I get tired, of constantly being besides someone. And the further I got away from you, the harder you clutched and the harder I tried to get away. And then I just… ignored your messages. Because I was tired and suffocated by it all.”

You remember, sick with yourself, with the benefit of hindsight. It hadn’t been all at once. For a few weeks before Jake disappeared, he started going more silent than not, his eyes becoming distant, the tasks more mechanic. It was why you started to propose more expeditions, more time together. And the more time you spent together, the more distant he grew, the more desperate you were, until one day he just left you, alone, a mess, and ignored your messages for days.

Jake releases you from the hug and leans back. You try for a moment to stop him, but then lets him go. He looks into your eyes, his eyes still a little glossy, but now there is a tiny smile on his face.

“I never blamed you, you know. For AR’s messages. Sure, they made me mad, and unsure, but that was because they made me wonder! About you and me. It and Brobot both. After defeating me in the initiate mode, Brobot would try to hug me, and hold hands with me, and I knew you had programmed it. It made me mad about Brobot those days, because it made me fucking confused.”

You blush and look to the side.

“I also didn’t like how AR would try to fake being you. And I know you had a part in that! That makes me annoyed, actually.” He says, a frown on his face. “But I think it’s a little unfair for you to take AR’s taunting and sexual crudeness as your responsibilities! Sure, it was full of that talk about how it was just you stuck in a machine. And maybe it was. I don’t know, now, considering our powers. But I think it eventually grew into a very different being. And you taking responsibility for his actions also takes away his autonomy.”

“I could have silenced him, though. Turned him off, maybe.” You say, uncomfortable. Your last confrontation with your Auto Responder, before he became one with an abomination of nature by mixing with that troll, was unpleasant, and it filled you with guilt.

“I would respect you a little less if you did!” He says, his smile a little wider. “I remember you telling me once, how as it’s now reluctant creator, since you put it in such a terrible situation, the least you could do was make sure to never silence it, since it was the only way for it to communicate with the world. You were very kind and honorable, in my opinion. Mostly, I think I would have liked to know what he said that you agreed with. It seemed that it was most things, because I know you read our convos, and yet you never told me what he said that you disagreed with. At some point the two of you even became a little mixed up in my head, I never knew what schemes were your’s or his.”

You reach out until you’re both holding hands. Even as the shiver goes through you again, an expected reaction to his touch and to his proximity, you feel no urge to kiss him. Somehow, this moment, full of honest care, feels more precious than any sexual action could be.

“For all that you talk about not being as cool, I think you’re super cool.” You whisper. “You’re smart, and you can be right canny about some things. You were super important in a ton of the tasks we had to fulfill while on the session, because you’re really good with puzzle and spatial challenges. You saved my ass a bunch of times. You’re not focused on what will be the most expedient, but what will make you happiest, and I admire that. For all that you seem to ignore me when I babble about things you think sound silly, and boring, you always seem to remember what I said the next time we talk. I wish I could look at things and wonder at them, believe in things with no substance or proof. It would make me happier, I think.”

He gazes at you in surprise.

“… you think I’m smart?”

“Yeah? Why is it a surprise?”

Jake pauses, his expression hard to read.

“Just… a lot of people have said to the contrary recently. It made me a little doubtful.”

“Who?” You ask, surprised, but also a little angry.

“Not now, Dirk. Later we can talk about this. Now, it’s about us.”

“Okay,” You say, uncertain. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, about everything. About Brobot, even if you think I’m not at fault for him. About not talking with you about AR, about pushing you so much during our session, hell, pushing you into being this version of you I had in my head. You don’t have to act like a man, or like me, or whatever to be cool, man. I like you a lot, and I think the things that makes you unlike me, makes me like you more. And, you know, if I’m the smartest person you know, you should absolutely believe me when I say you’re super smart.”

Jake snorts softly and smiles even softer. His eyes are enchanting, fixated on your face, and you grip his hands a little tighter.

“You know, Dirk, I don’t know much about love or anything like that. Love rather scares me, I think. And, I don’t know that I love you, not like you love me. I... don't know if I can love like that." He says, the ending very quiet, a little ashamed. "What I knew, back then, was that in the movies and comics, guys like me are supposed to start dating around this time. And feelings are strange, and complicated, but I knew I always liked to talk to you. I liked seeing your color fill my screen.”

“I could have dated Janey, maybe. But I think we would both have been very unhappy, because I’m not sure I’m the right person for her, or her for me. And I think I made a great choice, when I chose you, before everything went wrong. Because, though I didn’t rightly know much about love, I knew it would be a completely new adventure, and I trusted you to have my back in it. I... wanted nothing more than to be with you.”

Jake stops, glances at the side for a second, his cheeks red.

“My love may be different, or wrong, I don’t know. I just, can’t imagine a universe without you guys in it. You, Janey, Roxy, and even Callie, who I’m not that close to… you guys are the best things in my life.”

Your heart is jumping in your chest, and your face is very red. You don’t know much about love being wrong or not, or how platonic or not Jake actually feels towards you, especially considering he compared it to the love he had for all your friends. But, if he really felt so strongly about so many people, and he still chose you to date…

“I’m not sure about it being wrong, Jake,” you whisper. “It just sounds rather special, doesn’t it? That you have so much love to feel.” It made _you_ feel special.

Jake smiles and caresses your hand. You spend a moment in silence, just holding hands.

“I think, I feel a bit better. Not everything is resolved, but… we did rather good, didn’t we?”

“Yeah, I guess we did,” you say. “But what about now? What about us?”

Jake looks to the side, pensive.

“I guess, I don’t really want to date right now, Dirk. We seem to have resolved some things, sure, but things are still weighting in my mind, and I still have things to resolve with… other people.” He says, a strange intonation in the end. You squeeze his hand in concern, and he squeezes back. “But, maybe, eventually… we could try. At the moment, I think I just want a friend, Dirk.”

“I… can do that.”

You’ll need Karkat and Dave to seat on you on the days you’re more neurotic.

“But you need to continue being honest with me. And I’ll do the same.”

“With your emotions too?” He asks. “The reason I managed to be honest, was because I could see you were being too. When you just hide what you’re feeling all the time, you’re hiding what you’re feeling from me too. And I never want to doubt your feelings for me.”

“I… yeah. I’ll do that”.

You two hug one last time, now a calm one, peace filling you up until you feel like bursting. As you release him, you glance around the room, and everything is the same it was before, and still, somehow different. The world feels different now. Brighter.

You look at your hands, just in time to see the light floating over you skin retreat to their original source.

“Oops.” Jake says, blushing. “Sorry for the lack of control”.

“No worries.” You grin. “Show me to the door, Mr. English?”

He laughed and stood up, bowing like a butler on butler island.

“With pleasure, Mr. Strider.”

* * *

Not seen on this fic, but it still happened:

\- Jane running herself haggard trying to avoid thinking about the Incident, i.e. that time she got mind controlled, threatened to rape one of her friends and then killed of another friend. And avoiding Roxy because she feels a little excluded from the tight duo that is Roxy + Callie.

\- Roxy and Callie being totally open to the idea of a triad, if Jane wants to join them.

\- Davekat being meteorstuck, and so, they’re rather happy right now.

\- That time Dave and Karkat sat Dirk down and demanded a little more emotional honesty, because Dave literally Can not Deal with an emotionally closed off Dirk after experiencing Bro. Dirk is Trying, by the gods, but being open with your feelings is Hard.

\- Jake moping because Dirk hasn’t searched him out yet, after one whole week, and maybe he doesn’t want anything to do with him after all?? Also, salamanders dogpiling Jake, because it’s Very Nice to be around Jake when you’re a salamander, or a reptile in general. Also, giving him little gifts.

\- Roxy feeling doubts about her status in her group as Not Original Roxy, even as she does her best to ignore that feeling and try to repair the group into one.

\- Roxy approaching Jake and pressing him into inviting Dirk over to talk. “After you ignored him for days for being pushy, you really think he’ll try now?? You need to be the one to invite him.”

\- “You do know that Jane may have been hurt for a while if had explained upfront how you felt about her, but it would have been a million times better than what actually happened, right??” Roxy says, because Jake totally knew about Jane’s crush, and he really hurt her by ignoring and being intentionally blind to it.

\- Jake waits a whole ass week, with more moping, except he also talks to Jade about it, and they both commiserate on How It’s Hard to be Honest about things that could hurt others. “Lying or being obtuse hasn’t really helped us before, though. It seems it only hurts the situation. Maybe we should try being honest???” Jade probably says. “Traitor” Jake says, pouting.

\- Jake, crying to Brain Ghost Dirk about how he totally ruined everything by crying all over Dirk. “There, there” BGD says, absentminded, as he floats besides his kinda-boyfriend and reads manga. “The man doesn’t mind”.

\- Dirk floating all the way home, in cloud nine, before he arrives and realizes he totally forgot about his cried upon shoulder, and then cringing in disgust. Oh yes, Dirk Does Mind. He needs a shower, like, now.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey yall  
> This is a non-epilogue compliant, possibly non-credits compliant, act 7 compliant dirkjake fanfic in the year of 2020, lmao. I'm jumping on the dirkjakeweek train and writing more consistently for the first time in years.  
> Warning: fic was not beta-ed. first time writing the characters, so possibly ooc-ness. you guys will be the judge of that, i guess.  
> Write me a comment! Favorite moments, favorite lines, if you think I did them credit!  
> But no constructive criticism, please. I started writing again after a long time, English isn't my first language, and I have a delicate soul :3.


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